I want graphic, real-time footage of Bear Grylls vomiting and diarrhoeaing himself. In the space of a single episode I forced him to eat a toxic earthworm and rappel down a cliff without enough rope to get to the bottom, and both times I ran into an almighty cop-out in the first case he spat out the worm and told me not to be silly, and in the second he called for a helicopter to rescue him.
I don’t want to see basic competency, for crying out loud. The entire series is defined by a total, deafening lack of jeopardy. It doesn’t matter what you do – wear him out too quickly, plunge his core temperature to a dangerous low, prod him along a series of undeniably rickety rope bridges – the git manages to get out in one piece. I’ve played through three of the eight episodes, and so far the man is unkillable. This brings us to the biggest fault of You vs Wild. Regardless of the situation that You vs Wild presents, you will automatically choose the most extreme option, because all human DNA is encoded with a primal desire to harm Bear Grylls. It’s disgusting, but that is what Bear Grylls is for. In every TV show he’s ever made he’s had to drink his own pee or crawl inside a rancid camel corpse or suck all the moisture from a wad of elephant dung. The entire point of his existence on Earth is to watch him suffer. Of course you want to murder Bear Grylls. And yet, for some reason, you’ve been put in charge of all his decisions.Īnd that’s a huge mistake, obviously, because I guarantee that every single person who tries You vs Wild will do it for one reason and one reason only to murder Bear Grylls in as grisly a manner as possible. You are some idiot watching Netflix in your pants. He’s tracking a missing doctor in the jungle. Today the platform released You vs Wild a Bear Grylls documentary series where you call the shots.
But it failed in one key area: it wasn’t specifically about trying to murder Bear Grylls.įortunately, Netflix seems to have remedied this.
It was bold, it was inventive, it pushed a new method of interactive storytelling into the mainstream.
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